Signs?

While time may fly, in terms of larger issues, not much of it has passed. Inherent in my personality is a reflective component which is also the area from which my "sense" of doubt arises. I often find myself flip-flopping, rationally organizing my observations one moment, rationalizing my inaccurate perceptions the next. On the whole, I'm a fairly subjective thinker, filtering what I see, hear, and experience through a specific lens. I so often admonish my students for thinking of themselves first when I should aim those arrows at myself. I've always been a strong observer, perceptive of subtleties in mood, attitude, and emotion in most given situations--particularly when those were applied to the predicament of others--but, have so frequently inaccurately perceived those subtleties in situations involving myself and another. In other words, I'm good at reading people, except when trying to gauge their reactions toward me or something I do.

I sometimes see signs where there are none, sometimes miss signs openly planted before me, and sometimes understand the signals flashed at me. I've spent much of my adult life trying to compensate for this inaccuracy in perception, and I've grown significantly in this area, but feel there's so much left to learn. The problem is, I'm always behind the eight ball, forever attempting to catch up to my more adept peers, eating the dust of misunderstanding, finding myself standing alone at a crossroads, or barely holding onto a speeding truck of social interaction. This makes for a frustrating existence rife with doubt, misunderstanding, and occasional anger. But, I know no other way other than continuing to try understanding and receiving that painful slap in the face when things don't go the way I anticipate.